Unwell

For the past two weeks, I was unwell. I wasn’t acting like my usual myself. I thought I was just feeling a little down. I wasn’t my cheerful self. Never did I know that I was depressed. I felt bothered when I started losing interest in running, one of the things that I find pleasure and helps me relax. At that instant, I realized something is wrong.

I was having:
1. Persistent sad, anxious or "empty" mood
My days were empty. Everyday felt meaningless.

2. Loss of appetite
I did not feel hungry during mealtimes. I did not feel like eating at all.

3. Insomnia, early morning awakening, or oversleeping
I did not want to go to bed. When I did it was after 2am, and I had to get up at 6am the next day. I wake up in the middle of the night. There were so many unpleasant dreams. When I looked at the clock, it is always 4am. Then I try to sleep again. When the alarm rang in the morning, I continued to sleep. I did not want to get out of bed. I had to drag myself out of bed. I felt there was nothing to look forward too. But still, I went for all my lectures.

4. Restlessness or irritability
Everything was making me irritable, but I still did my job. I have responsibilities.

5. Feelings of worthlessness
I am never good enough. :(

6. Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities that were once enjoyed.
I did not feel like running or swimming. I started wondering why I wanted to run and swim when I could just sleep.

7. Decreased energy, fatigue, feeling "slowed down" or sluggish.
I am constantly tired, despite oversleeping in bed.

The DSM-IV-TR (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual) of Mental Disorders diagnostic criteria for a major depressive episode are as follows:

At least 5 of the following, during the same 2-week period, representing a change from previous functioning; must include either (a) or (b):
(a) Depressed mood

(b) Diminished interest or pleasure

(c) Significant weight loss or gain

(d) Insomnia or hypersomnia

(e) Psychomotor agitation or retardation

(f) Fatigue or loss of energy

(g) Feelings of worthlessness

(h) Diminished ability to think or concentrate; indecisiveness

(i) Recurrent thoughts of death, suicidal ideation, suicide attempt, or specific plan for suicide

I've fulfilled 5 of the criterias for a major depressive disorder. I had to heal myself, quick, before it develops into a full blown clinical depression. With medical knowledge, I should have recognized the symptoms earlier. My blog was turning gloomy and unhappy. Not the Pockets of Sunshine it is supposed to be.

Little Dove takes a short break. Sunshine will return to this blog.

世界上最远的距离，是我站在你面前，你却不知道我爱你.

The greatest distance on earth, is when I stand in front of you, and yet you don't know that I love you.
Little Dove