It has been a long journey. I’ve never worked so hard in my life. And to think another grueling journey is only beginning when I start working. Imagine studying 5 years for a degree with no much time to rest with the amount of workload and stress. I guess stress is part of the training (and the occasional scolding from temperamental consultants with mood swings).
I’ve applied for work back home. There don’t seem to be a reason for me to stay in KL. I would very much spend time with my aging parents and be there for them when they need me. I’m been studying away from home for the past 10 years. It’s time for the dove to fly back to his nest.
Wait, there’s Prince Charming. I don’t think we will be together. The more I visited him at his home, the more I saw and it dawned on me, memories of his ex stamped all over the house. From the cuddly soft toys to the WiFi password. It’s been more than 2 years since their breakup. I think he still loves his ex very much. I stumbled upon his ex’s bloggie once. I can say the ex is extremely handsome and intelligent. He writes and expresses himself very well, in two different languages! He is going to carry the Dr title in his name in near future, although it’s not the same from the medical Dr that I possess. I should not have read too much into his blog. He hardly blogs about Prince Charming except for one single post, where he writes of his pining and longing for Prince Charming. I almost cried reading it. No, it wasn’t because I felt sad or jealous. He wrote with such strong passion and sincerity of his love for Prince Charming. I know for now he loves Prince Charming deep and true.
They broke up not because they fell out love. They were at 7 years and still going strong but both are strong headed and wanted to pursue their dreams in two very different and faraway countries. They stopped their relationship because of distance and uncertainty of settling down together in one same place in future.
Late last year, Prince Charming went for a holiday trip abroad with his friends. His straight friends, he assured me, a mixture of male and female. Until he showed me photographs of the trip excitedly, forgetting what he had told me before. He just wanted to show me the pictures he took with his DSLR camera, until pictures of his ex appeared (it happened to be in the same folder). For that trip, he actually went his ex and the ex’s family. They have that kind of bond. And from the pictures, they do not look like a couple who has separated. This made me believe, they are still very much in love with each other.
I thought Prince Charming would be the one. My soul has gone weary from the heartbreaks I’ve suffered. From my doomed relationship with a bisexual who got married and wanted to have both sexes for partners. An ex who went for someone older and needy (my complete opposite), raked up huge credit card debts for their extravagant lifestyle and wanted to borrow a large sum of money from a student like me. A 30 year-old ex who never knew what he wanted when he is supposed to be more matured than me and in the process broke my heart and ran off with another guy without any news. When it happened (for 3 times with 3 different people), I thought the problem was with me. I was at the lowest point of my life after each relationship. Then I realized it wasn’t my fault. I have not completely forgiven them for the pain they gave me. But I’ve certainly grown from these experiences.
Prince Charming is not a very expressive person but he is certainly smart. We have these amazing feelings for each other but I can still feel him holding the torch for his ex. We’ve known each other for more than 2 years now but and we are not progressing. He is leading me on when he calls me frequently from faraway land when he is away for long periods of work abroad. He tries to pamper me whenever he can, but we hardly have time to meet each other.
I’ve given Prince Charming a thousand hints. Should I send him a thousand more? But I am running out of time. Maybe it is time to ask him,
“Would you be my prince?”
Should I?
I want to fall for you, but I am not sure if you’ll catch me.
Little Dove
20 comments:
It seems that you have made up your mind.
i've been reading your blog for so long.this is my 1st comment.dear little dove, if you really want to be with him, tell him.let him know what your feelings towards him/ don't just let him go without telling him that you really like him. you are smart and intelligent too. jangan terlalu merendah diri. you must earn your own happiness. all the best. i'll pray for you :)
I guess at this point in time, it is no longer a risk popping the question to gain more answers and certainties...whatever the outcome may be, at least you can bring yourself to the next level without any what if's...
One never knows until one tries... I only wish the best for u....
looks like it's not only me who's running out of time.
Sounds like you've made up your mind to head back home.
You can always ask if he'll be your Prince, and then work out exactly just what kind of relationship it's going to be (a unique, long-distance relationship where you slowly wean him off his ex, perhaps).
From the way you write and describe, I don't think he is ready for you. Unless your judgment is clouded by other issues you have with him.
I wonder if you are his spare just in case he cannot really get back with his ex. Sorry for being so direct and explicit.
Anyhow, there really is no harm asking for an honest answer from him. That way you know for sure if your judgment was indeed right.
TELL ...:P
Ask so that both of you can move on. It's easier said than done but it's the best.
You should open up to him. To know what is actually on each other's mind.
But poor me, I guess I won't ask for the answer if my gut feelings tell me what it is already.
Your case is still good, at least he shows positive response.
Time is never enough, but there is always some time for some special people.
*hug*
It's better to have love and lost than to have never love before.
Really love the way you write and express yourself. Wish I could write like you. Please do tell Prince Charming! No regrets.
at least you've been in love 3 times. i've never even been kissed. never had a relationship and i'm in my late 20s some more. you have hinted that you're physically attractive, almost a Greek god beauty, so why the low-feeling? gays are only into looks, and i lack in that department, but you're not. so just get over it and move on.
tell him about how you feel. ^^ and let's see how it will go there since you're afraid to repeat the past. OTL Ooo~ 'interesting' ex-es. O.O
all the best to you.
I would suggest you let him know how you feel about him and what you want for two of you to progress and ask if he feels the same too. It's better to know now than too late. You have to know what's in his mind and stop playing guessing games.
my fox instincts tell me that this is the time to take the plunge and ask him if he is willing to commit to you. Relationship isnt just about feel alone but also on how much you're willing to commit to each other as partners. It's a commitment. And not an easy one because its the commitment to never let the other down or be lonely (best effort or depending on the agreement). It's either that he's willing and you're willing and if its one sided, then there isnt anything to begin with.
Time to pop the question and be more empowered after that :)
Haiz, this is the part which make love relationship interesting and yet, can be heart-breaking at times. And from what you said in your post, I believe you have already made up your mind. So now is time to make a move and let's see how it goes! :)
[William] You read my heart.
[Anonymous] Thank for your comment. I guess you know my story well after reading all this time. I feel like I know the answer already, but then I really don't. Maybe it's time to ask.
[plainjoe] True, I will find the courage to ask.
[Hdaran] I dread this, but this I shall do. Thank you.
[Lucifer] We are slaves of time.
[Janvier] I wish it is a fairytale. I don't think this Prince Charming believes in unique, long distance relationships.
[carpe diem] If we had two years knowing each other and he is not ready, then the answer is clear.
[nicky05] In process :)
[Jaded Jeremy] I have to summon all my courage and take this step.
[C'est la vie] I like the last sentence about time in your comment. :)
[the penile poet] To experience love once, even if you know you will never possess it.
[Alan] I will do my best. Thank you.
[Anonymous] I seek love, but looks attract lust. I'm really someone simple. Don't give up on love!
[reyion] I wish my life is not one tv drama.
[CJ] I think it's a problem when I can't even read him well enough. Time to ask I suppose.
[Little Fox] My dove instincts say the same, but I'm empowering myself whatever answer returns.
[Dummy] This is the hard part. I hope to get through it quickly. :)
In any case, the fox wishes you good luck, and do let us know whatever the outcome because i'll be here supporting you. or closer if you allow me to.
Thank you Little Fox. Truly appreciate it. :")
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