Staying with Ebenezer

When you've been out in the world long enough, you no longer live under the impression that everyone is as nice as they seem. I think we all have our encounter of nightmarish housemates. Friends may be nice but some turn into monsters when you start sharing the same house with them. Having been living on my own for the almost seven years, I’ve had my share of horrible housemates. From those who leave dirty dishes in the sink for a week, not flushing the toilet after bowel movements, leaving the laundry in the washing machine for days or bringing random strangers into their bedrooms, pale in comparison with the sheer stupidity and selfishness of what some people have come to show in themselves. Ebenezer is nice, really, if he is a mutual friend, but as a housemate, it’s a completely different story.

Television

On moving in together into an unfurnished house:
Ebenezer: Do you guys want a TV?
Little Dove: That would be nice.
Al Bino: Yay!
Elbenezer: My father has an old 21 inch TV at home. If you guys want, he can sell it to you for RM800.
Little Dove: …
Al Bino: …
Tad Pohl walks in carrying a TV, “Hey, I brought a TV from my house (all the way from JB).

Washing Machine

Little Dove: We are thinking of buying a washing machine.
Ebenezer: It’s okay. Don’t have to include me. I prefer to send my clothes to the laundry shop?
Little Dove: Isn’t it cheaper to get a washing machine in the long run? I’ll lend you my steam iron.
Ebenezer: (After much hesitation) Okay then.

After we got the washing machine, he washes his clothes twice a day, using the function with the most energy and water consumption. He puts in his dirty laundry in the morning before he leaves the house and puts it in again before he goes to sleep at night. No one can use in between. Guess he wants to totally utilize his share of the washing machine. Wonder what he’ll think when we receive the utilities bill.

Water Heater

Al Bino: I want to get a water heater.
Little Dove: Agree!
Tad Pohl: Oh…hot water! (with a orgasmic moan)
Ebenezer: The water heater uses lots of electricity because it uses heat. I don’t need it.

In the end, we all got water heaters except him. On some cold mornings, we can hear his teeth rattling from the cold.

Little Dove: You are welcome to use my water heater if you need to.
Ebenezer: No thank you. The water’s fine (shivers).

Internet

Ebenezer: I don’t need Internet connection. I don’t have a laptop.
Little Dove: Then I’ll go ahead and subscribe for the house.

We have seen his laptop in the room. It’ll only be RM20 plus per person if shared out between 4 person.

After going to TM point and queing to apply for a subscription taking up half a day in the process, arranging for installation of phone line and modem with the contractor, shopping for a wireless router, configuring the network and settling the hefty sum of deposit…

Ebenezer: Can I can share and use the Internet?
Tad Pohl: (whispering to me) He’s gonna jam up the connection.
Al Bino: Okay. Go ahead.
Little Dove: Yes, we can share (wearily).

Refrigerator

Little Dove & Al Bino: Think we need to get a fridge for the house.
Tad Pohl: Okay. Lemme know the price.
Ebenezer: Do we really need a fridge? I don’t need one. (again!)

After a few days,
Ebenezer: Let’s get a fridge. I want to store my fruits.

The fridge is kind of empty as one housemate goes home during the weekends and none of us bachelors cook in the house.

Little Dove: I bought some fruit juice. I’m going to keep it cool.

Little Dove opens the refrigerator door and gasps. Tad Pohl looks into the fridge and gasps as well.

The fridge was full of Maggi, Milo 3-in-1 and Nescafe 3-in-1 sachets. Ebenezer has nothing to store in the fridge so he puts in all the dry items. This is to ensure that he utilizes his share of the refrigerator space.

On Rent Division

Ebenezer: My room is the smallest. I should pay only RM70 for my room. My father said if it’s based on the square feet, I should be paying this amount.

Does Ebenezer not think that the square feet he uses in the house will also include the living room, bathroom, dining room and kitchen?

Car pooling

Ebenezer does not have a car. He sits in my car everyday to school. I do not mind as I’m going the same way too. I don't say much even though petrol is kinda expensive nowadays and a student feels the pinch.

After many, many weeks…
Upon reaching university one day,
Ebenezer: Oh no, I forgot my name tag. Can we go back and get it?
Little Dove: Okay, I’ll turn back and drive to the house.

Upon reaching the campus…again,
Ebenezer: Oh no, I forgot my keys. Can we...
Little Dove: Okay. I know what to do.
Ebenezer: Sorry, sorry! (pretending to be apologetic)
Little Dove: It’s okay. People forget sometimes and it’s still early.
Ebenezer: I think I should share the petrol with you. I sit in your car everyday. And trouble you everytime because I always forget something and need you to drive back.

Outings

Al Bino: I’ll drive today.

On paying the parking ticket, Tad Pohl and Little Dove quickly takes out money for the automatic pay station. Ebenezer pretends to look elsewhere.

On going dutch

At a hawker centre,
Tad Pohl: Drinks are here. I paid the waiter first.
Little Dove: Here’s the money for my drink.
Al Bino: For mine, keep the change (gave RM2 for a RM1.50 drink)
Ebenezer puts a one ringgit note into Tad Pohl’s hand and smiles. (His drink was RM1.80)

Got a housemate like this?