It has been a while since I met Prince Charming. Prince Charming has been sending smses to me asking me to go out with him. But lately, he has stopped sending the messages. In the beginning he used to send me a lot of messages, but I seldom reply, or reply very late. He used to send messages every few hours, and then it slowed down to a few smses a day and now maybe once a week. I always tell him I am busy.
My studies are getting busier. On some days, I would stay in the hospital and campus for up to 15 hours.
I have stopped meeting Prince Charming. The truth is, I think I am scared. I am making way too many excuses. And this is turning him away. I think he is such a nice person. I wonder what he sees in me.
I never told him anything. He thinks I am mysterious. Maybe he already know. He is too experienced and matured for anything to escape his eyes. I never told him I study medicine. I never told him where I came from. I tell him I am a just simple boy. He thinks otherwise though.
Prince Charming is really something special. I don’t believe there’s such person in this world. All good guys are either taken or married.
Sometimes, I just want to send a message telling him that I miss him. I would type it out, but always stopped short of sending it. I hold back on my emotions. I am very good at that in real life. However, when I am Little Dove, it is different. I let my emotions flow. I feel so free here. I wish it could be the same in the real world.
When my ex broke my heart, I did not tell him how sad I was. I just walked away after saying goodbye. I did not even wait to listen to what he has to say. I want to stop being the victim of his selfish love. Behind him, I cried my heart out. I cried so hard and loud, the type of crying where you feel breathless and all the mucus starts dripping from your nose.
When the crying stopped, I told myself that in order to be successful, I must not be emotional. It worked fine for me all this time. I felt so strong. I felt invincible.
I swore not to let nobody into my heart again. I fixed it so they wouldn’t stand a chance. I feel so happy being single. Lonely sometimes, but happy because no one is hurting me.
Deep inside, I still want to be loved. Prince Charming stepped back when he sensed that I am not responding. I wished he could be more aggressive. I need to know that he wants me and be more aggressive in his approach. For once, I wish the other person to be more dominant. My role in society requires me to be aggressive. In this world, you have to be aggressive and assertive to get what you want. This is the role I have to play everyday. In reality, I am a shy and timid boy. When I was young, I was so shy that I would run and hide when visitors came to the house. I am never comfortable with crowds when I was young. I still feel the same way now. I never celebrated my birthday with parties of any sort. I am happy to be left alone in a little corner of the room with my favourite book. I am still the timid little boy 20 years ago. The difference is that as I grew up, I know how to pretend to be brave.
I will just concentrate on my studies now. It is meaningless to pursue love.
Maybe this is the end of the road for me and Prince Charming. I would like to keep Prince Charming as a sweet memory. I had too many bitter ones.
Love means exposing yourself to the pain of being hurt, deeply hurt by someone you love.
Little Dove
My studies are getting busier. On some days, I would stay in the hospital and campus for up to 15 hours.
I have stopped meeting Prince Charming. The truth is, I think I am scared. I am making way too many excuses. And this is turning him away. I think he is such a nice person. I wonder what he sees in me.
I never told him anything. He thinks I am mysterious. Maybe he already know. He is too experienced and matured for anything to escape his eyes. I never told him I study medicine. I never told him where I came from. I tell him I am a just simple boy. He thinks otherwise though.
Prince Charming is really something special. I don’t believe there’s such person in this world. All good guys are either taken or married.
Sometimes, I just want to send a message telling him that I miss him. I would type it out, but always stopped short of sending it. I hold back on my emotions. I am very good at that in real life. However, when I am Little Dove, it is different. I let my emotions flow. I feel so free here. I wish it could be the same in the real world.
When my ex broke my heart, I did not tell him how sad I was. I just walked away after saying goodbye. I did not even wait to listen to what he has to say. I want to stop being the victim of his selfish love. Behind him, I cried my heart out. I cried so hard and loud, the type of crying where you feel breathless and all the mucus starts dripping from your nose.
When the crying stopped, I told myself that in order to be successful, I must not be emotional. It worked fine for me all this time. I felt so strong. I felt invincible.
I swore not to let nobody into my heart again. I fixed it so they wouldn’t stand a chance. I feel so happy being single. Lonely sometimes, but happy because no one is hurting me.
Deep inside, I still want to be loved. Prince Charming stepped back when he sensed that I am not responding. I wished he could be more aggressive. I need to know that he wants me and be more aggressive in his approach. For once, I wish the other person to be more dominant. My role in society requires me to be aggressive. In this world, you have to be aggressive and assertive to get what you want. This is the role I have to play everyday. In reality, I am a shy and timid boy. When I was young, I was so shy that I would run and hide when visitors came to the house. I am never comfortable with crowds when I was young. I still feel the same way now. I never celebrated my birthday with parties of any sort. I am happy to be left alone in a little corner of the room with my favourite book. I am still the timid little boy 20 years ago. The difference is that as I grew up, I know how to pretend to be brave.
I will just concentrate on my studies now. It is meaningless to pursue love.
Maybe this is the end of the road for me and Prince Charming. I would like to keep Prince Charming as a sweet memory. I had too many bitter ones.
Love means exposing yourself to the pain of being hurt, deeply hurt by someone you love.
Little Dove
23 comments:
it is not often you find someone you like and like you in return. why not give this a try? :)
Still so young, my dear. Focus on the studies first and graduate. By the time you come out, you will get to meet lotsa people and hopefully by then all this bitterness and anguish have all been exorcised.
is okay to be mysterious my dear....love is not something that can be forced
where's the fun if he knows a-z abt u in just few weeks or months being with u...
if he doesn't pursue u, there's a possibility that he might moved on already....life's short and if u dun give the hint u're interested...there's no reason why he would want to waste his precious time chasing someone he tot wouldn't want to be with him...after all, the biological clock is ticking
i hope thru time and experince you will learn to be responsive and responsible at the same time...
if u like a guy who u think hv the eye on u....dun hesitate, remember good guys doens't come often...and good gay guy is even harder to find...
all the best!!
XOXO
Definitely a difficult decision to make. Wish you much luck in making the right one.
Yes,it is not often that u find someone u like that likes u back. He must hav seen something special in u. If u like him, send him a msg soon...let him know u miss his msgs and that u are shy...it is okay to slowly let him in alittle. You don't want to be brave but alone forever. Take a chance, tat takes courage too. :-)
Dont think too much.
Go with your heart
Chance don't come twice.
Agree with lllearned. Give him a chance. Some peeps are not aggressive because it's just not simply their nature to be so. Plus, unanswered and late smses could have lessened his confidence in pursuing you.
Who knows, finding love again will work wonders and give you the zest to approach everthing, even studies, with vigour again.
Hope things work out well for you. ^_^
+Ant+
Funny how you don't really accept him at first but yet named him 'prince Charming'~ Since he wasn't that aggressive~ just let him go~ it's true... study is important now~ you should concentrate on your studies instead~ ;)
I've dedicated a post to you, please read:
http://learnlearninglearned.blogspot.com/2009/01/mating-game.html
Dear Dove, for Prince Charming to be aggressive, he must know that you're interested (even if you may be afraid of what happens), not disinterested. Keep being friends with him, he really sounds too good to be true!
The choice is your's.
follow your heart....
I wish I am more like you...
Being in control of your emotions outside...
However, it is time to let the dove in you come out into the real world and embrace emotions as well...
I also think he sounds too good to be true. Sorry, being a pessimist. :P
Aaaaanyway, rather than let the interest die out completely, why not talk to him and tell him you want to concentrate on your studies(or something like that)? If he's as good as you say, he's at least worth having as a friend. Keep your options open and be nice to the guy simultaneously. :D
glad to read you will concentrate on your study. love will come itself ^_^
Call him out la :) You have nothing to lose so give it a try!
i'll say take it slowly. don't shove him away too soon. you never know what you're missing. but on a side note, medical school isn't something you want to mess with. and being in one myself, i totally know what you feel. tho i'm much more of a rebel in med school and tend to stray away compared to most of my colleagues.
but then again, gambate! may we be able to graduate. LOL
[lllearned] Thank you so much for the dedication. You're such a nice person.
[Nase] I will study hard. :)
[JD Cole] I will keep your words in mind. Thank you. :)
[Jaded_Jeremy] I have made up my mind. To be revealed in subsequent blog postings.
[Anonymous] I will be alone but I will take care of myself. Thanks for dropping by.
[Emo-Happiness] Chances like this are rare, but I have to be careful when it comes to affairs of the heart.
[*Anton*] I guess you are right. Thank you for wishing me well.
[Fable Frog] Yes Froggie, I will study like I always do. ;)
[Janvier] I'm taking your advice. Let's see what happens.
[William] I wish I did not have to make choices like these.
[Anonymous] I will.
[Glog] All hell will break loose if dove comes into the real word. lol
[Ban] You're right. Lover or friend, I would love to keep him.
[Willy] If only my love life is half as exciting and romantic as yours! ;)
[Savante] I will call and say hi. ;p
[Bong] Let's achieve our dreams!
You don't want him? Give me his number. I'll take him. Lol...
[Calvin] Only if you exchange with me another dream guy's number. Haha ;p
we have so much in common. when i was young, i used to play by myself. i had my imagination for company. even now, i don't mind being with my book all alone. i like the peace and solitary time to myself :)
[sharman] And you grew up perfectly fine! I guess being alone helps us develop and search deep into our soul. Being surrounded with many friends may not do that for us as we're busy with the company without adequate time for ourselves.
i agree with you 100%. being too occupied with others won't leave me time to reflect on what i've done, what i want, what i need to do.
besides, i think every problem has a solution. if i put more thought into it, i can find the answer to it. i know i can handle it. i find it easier to think when i'm alone.
p/s you grew up more than perfectly fine ;)
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