Misadventures on CNY

Today I told my parents about my car. I have never told them of the previous incident where my car broke down in the middle of the night. Today it broke down again. It went dead (what an in-ox-picious thing to say on CNY) and would not restart. Alone for Chinese New Year and no car to go out and buy food. Actually it was alright. Friends were just a call away.

I try not to tell my parents when I am having problems because I do not want them to worry. Most of the time, I would try to settle the problem myself. My parents tend to overreact and go into panic attack when they think I am in trouble. They have even called up a gangster “tai low” (leader) when they found out I was being threatened (I had no idea they have such connections lol).

My own parents think I am mysterious. They always complain they don’t know much about me. I am too quiet. Even when I am at home. I was quiet as a little boy. I was quiet while I was growing up. I am still quiet now. I would have high fever and I would not tell my parents. They would only realize when they saw me dressed in my pajamas, shivering from chills and taking the car keys to go out at night. They would ask me where am I going late at night with my pajamas and I would say to the clinic. Only then they would say, “Oh, so that’s why you had been sleeping all day long!” That’s before they start fussing over me, take my temperature, cook porridge and drive me to the clinic.

They are very caring parents, a bit too fussy sometimes with their attention to the extent of making me feel anxious as well when I am not. That is why I do not want to tell them things that has happened to me in recent years. The last thing I want is for them to worry. I wish I can tell them I am gay, my heart broken and I believe they will understand. But I do not wish to see them in pain, for I know that when they see me in pain, it is even more painful for them. I remember having a terrible fall when I was young. The fall was so bad that the scar is still on my face (amazingly very few people notice it). When the doctor was stitching my head, tears were streaming down their face, instead of mine. When I went for my operation, their eyes were red. I knew they had been crying behind me and was worried sick but still pretending to be strong. I smiled at them and told them everything will be alright (even though I had no idea how the operation would turn out).

When I encounter problems, I don’t go running to them screaming for help. Instead, I sit quietly and think. Most of the time, there will be a solution to the problem. My car has been giving a lot of problems to me lately, and much money is spent on fixing it. I should’ve listened to my parents and buy a new car that time (because I thought a new car would interfere with my 5-year financial plan). I think too much.

I have been having so many misadventures lately that I can start writing “Little Dove’s Series of Unfortunate Events.” However, good things do happen. I have been texting more often with Prince Charming. He is back in his hometown for CNY. I still have no idea how much he likes me. He doesn’t show much facial expressions. Therefore I find it difficult to gauge his interest in me when I see him. Lately, I think he is opening up more to me. He seldom smiles. I became curious.

Little Dove: Don’t forget to smile today. You look gorgeous when you smile.

Prince Charming: Eee… I look like a naïve old kampung auntie when I smile. Don’t want la…

Little Dove: That’s cute. Haha. I like your smile. Try to smile more k.

Prince Charming: Haha. Ok, I will but only with you.

I do not know what is going to happen between me and Prince Charming. He is a nice person. I like him but I do not fall in love easily. I will have no expectations. I will make my own rules as I go along.

CNY alone, car breakdown, no idea when the workshop is going to reopen for business and no Prince Charming to save me this time. Oh well, that’s life!