In the zone

He insisted that I have one last glass before leaving. I saw him pouring the coke into a clear transparent glass before offering it to me. I took a sip and told him that I really had to go. He insisted that I finished of the coke and I did, thinking that it wasn’t alcohol and wouldn’t affect my driving. That was my grave mistake.

The next thing I knew was that I was feeling giddy and wanted to lie down somewhere. It seemed that the lighting has suddenly dimmed. He guided me onto the bed in the guest room. Then he started stripping me. I was becoming giddier and everything seemed to happen so fast.

He started taking off my shorts and then slowing pulling my t-shirt over my head. The moment the shirt came off, I mustered enough energy to talk. “NO, I don’t do this,” I pleaded with him. “Please.”

He held my hand and pulled me up from the bed. I couldn’t move. My whole body felt hard, like all my joints were stiff. I tried my best to get up. The giddiness was gone and I was fully aware what was going on but I didn’t seem to have control over my own body.

Holding my hand, he brought me out from the room. I was moving like a robot, taking small steps. I was walking very slowly, my legs feeling heavy. I couldn’t balance myself properly. I had to exert great effort just to lift my feet up, one at a time. I looked down to see my legs moving in front of another, thinking, “Are these my legs?” They didn't feel like mine.

The living room seemed a little brighter. He put me down on the couch. I was in my underwear but I’ve never felt so naked in my entire life. His boyfriend was sitting next to me, in his towel. He seemed to be puffing something from a glass jar.

I felt as if someone had flipped a switch, or removed a visor, so that I was seeing things very differently. I could make out the television but at that point of time, my mind could not tell me what it was. It was disturbing, I was beginning to feel a lack of control of my universe. I was fully conscious and aware of myself but I couldn’t really control my mind and perception.

I was frightened. Suddenly, I was lying on a hospital bed and being wheeled to the ICU. My father was standing beside the bed while they were screaming emergency and the bed was being pushed quickly to the operating theatre. I was really scared. Is my father going to scold me? How did he find out? A million things went through my mind.

Then I realized I was still sitting or semi-lying on the couch. I was back to reality. It was just a figment of my drugged mind. I couldn’t remember if I was lying down or sitting up. I felt like I had no backbone. I was still unable to move and speak and felt very frightened.

“W-h-a-t i-s g-o-i-n-g o-n?” I slowly make out the words, my lips barely opening, like my jaws were locked.

“You’re having a K-hole,” the guy told me. “It’ll pass soon.”

“What?” “What if I die?” I was angry. I demanded an explanation.

“We didn’t know your body is so sensitive to it. Maybe we gave you a little too much,” he replied matter-of-factly, like it was something common.

It seemed like forever as I slowly regained control over my body. I tried moving my hands, but the arms wouldn’t listen. I could move my fingers but it looked like they belong to a mechanical robot, slow and stiff.

It felt like an hour has passed when I came back to myself. When I looked back at the time, it was only 10 minutes, but it felt like a very long time.

I was drugged and went into a K-hole. Unlike the medical textbooks written about K, there was no out-of-body experience. Instead, I felt like I had a near-death experience and it was very frightening. My sense of sight, balance and time were impaired. I was fully conscious but had no control over my body.

I was really angry at the couple. They could’ve find a willing participant that wanted to chem. I was just looking for friends. This happened a few years ago, when I was just starting to take my baby steps in the GLBT world. I will never understand couples who want to do threesomes or orgies. Where is the sanctity in a relationship? I didn’t see the white powder at the bottom of the transparent glass that he poured the coke into. I am thankful that I got out of it alive and they stopped when I asked them too. Nowadays, I am very cautious when meeting people. I have only myself to blame, young and too trusting.

My past experiences have always been great teachers, but they give painful lessons.

Little Dove